Why can’t there just be peace?

These days when it can feel like there are such large gulfs between us and the people we disagree with, the word, “peace” gets thrown around a lot. Peace in the Middle East, shalom bayit (peace at home), world peace, inner peace. But what does peace really mean? And is it really possible?

Peace (shalom) is a central value in Judaism. However, in Jewish tradition, peace is not simply the absence of violence or conflict as it often is defined in Western culture. Rather, peace refers to a sense of wholeness (shleimut). In fact, in the Bible, shalom means “well-being” or “prosperity.” Peace is often an aspirational condition which will arise with the arrival of the messiah.

Rav Nachman of Breslov, the great grandson of the Baal Shem Tov, the founder of Hasidic Judaism, had some thoughts about peace. Rav Nachman’s teachings combined elements of mysticism with Torah teachings to shed light on how to live a life of joy, happiness, and meaning. He wrote:

The entire world is full of disputes, whether between the nations of the world or likewise between city and city, or likewise between each household and household between the neighbors, between each man with his wife or his children or his servants and their children…The disputes between people is the same exact dispute as exists between nations….. And even if someone doesn’t want to fight and wishes to sit in peace and tranquility even so, he is forced to be a part of mahloket (conflict) and wars. 

Facilitator prompts the group to discuss in pairs:

• When, if ever, have you tried to stay out of a conflict or tried to “keep the peace,” but found yourself in the conflict anyway? What happened?
• What is your personal relationship with conflict? Do you avoid it? Run toward it? Participate in it when necessary?

Rav Nachman also believed that dispute was part of creation – if there were no disagreement between Torah scholars or others, there would be no place for the creation of the world. 

• What do you think it means that conflict and dispute is necessary for creation. Do you agree? Why or why not?
• When, if ever, might conflict be necessary to achieve peace? When, if ever, might conflict take us further away from peace?

If you frequently avoid conflict because it is uncomfortable or because you worry it will damage your relationships, you are in good company! However, when we sweep our feelings or needs aside in favor of superficial peace or “keeping the peace,” we are also harming our relationships with others and most importantly ourselves. Conflict can be an opportunity to make our relationships stronger in the long-term even if in the short term it does not feel good. 

Kintsugi, the ancient Japanese art of repairing broken, ceramic objects with gold, recognizes how breakage and repair can be highlighted as part of the history of an object rather than something to hide. Similarly, when we lean into conflict it can become a beautiful part of the history of our interpersonal relationships. Conflict requires breaking – breaking unspoken norms within a relationship, breaking unhelpful dynamics, or even severing the relationship itself – in order to move toward interpersonal and personal wholeness. As Rav Nachman teaches, when we lean into dispute and conflict, the most powerful creation can occur. 

Note to facilitator: lead learners through the activity using this how-to video as your guide. If they are breaking objects as part of the gathering, advise them to tap rather than smash the object with the hammer. Fewer pieces are easier, unless they want a big challenge!